Maybe this is it.

Maybe we need to bend before we break our molds. Perhaps we need to see what happens when we finally reach a point of no return: A startling realization that everything we knew before has completely fallen apart.

Even in the midst of personal rediscovery, maybe we can mend ourselves from the pieces left behind from our Tower moments.

No one wants to sit with their feelings: It’s not the preferred choice. But how else are we supposed to alchemize?

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It never occurred to me that this whole rediscovering yourself journey would be so… well, full of discovery. I’ve finally connected the dots of previous experiences according to where I was in my life at that time. There were certain people I had to let go of in order to move forward, which doesn’t always feel so good. There’s a part of you that starts to feel guilty about your actions: You’ve tried so hard to give the benefit of the doubt, only to be let down time and time again. That saying “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me,” starts ringing through your head: How did I allow myself to fall into this trap again?

Then you take a step back and recognize that the way people act is totally out of your control. You can’t dictate what people do, no matter how much life-changing, thought-provoking advice you give. In the wise words of my therapist: “You can care about people, but it’s not your job to care about people.”

This seems like common sense, right?

Once we realize that by immersing ourselves in the lives of others, we end up neglecting our own wants, needs, and desires. It also takes away any attention that’s required to go within and sort out some inner work. When we’re too involved in what other people are doing, we’re only doing more harm than good to ourselves. We can be supportive, but not to the point where we start to lose our identity in others.

—

So, how does one know when to step back? How do we know what’s for us and what’s a waste of time?

From my experience, certain themes will continue to manifest in our lives until we face them head-on. Does it feel very good? Not necessarily, but nothing good comes from staying in our comfort zones. We’re ultimately digging ourselves a deeper hole when we choose to ignore the issues that continue to arise. So many of us are afraid of what lies on the other side of personal development: That we have to change in order to evolve into the best version of ourselves.

We’re wired to believe that safety comes from predictability, which is why change can feel so downright terrifying. The scariest thing is actually staying in the same place, void of our own responsibilities, pinning these insecurities against other people. We’re so good at pointing the finger at everyone as if they’re the ones living our lives. We’re ultimately in charge of how we feel: No one else has control over your life. The more emotionally aware we become of how we feel in the face of discomfort, the more we can learn about ourselves.

Learning to essentially “rewire” our brains is no easy task. It takes grit, time, and patience with yourself: Some days will feel significantly easier than others. There may be times when you’ve taken ten steps forward only to fall back, and guess what, that’s perfectly okay.

Striving for perfection will only leave you feeling disappointed because there’s no such thing as perfection.

Read that again until your eyes get sore. There is no such thing as perfection, so stop being so damn hard on yourself.